Insecurities

Ahh, good old insecurities! Who doesn't have them? Does my hair look okay? Did I gain weight? Am I doing what's right for me in my life? Is my house too dirty? There are days that I feel as though I question every little thing I do or say! I was watching a show last night called "Strange Sex" and the couple amazed me! The man encouraged his wife to gain weight and they were attempting to have her weigh 1,000 lbs.!!! Yet here I sit overweight and struggling every damn day to NOT get tooooo big! As I watched the show psychologists came on and stated that it is actually a form of control!! The  goal of both the husband and wife was to have her so heavy that she would actually become immobile! She actually was looking forward to it! and I thought I was bad! lol I honestly think I am at the point that it is hard to meet a man. I feel so independent! I have my own home, vehicle, a decent job, so quite honestly, why deal with the crap? Yet I still meet men, cry when I get my feelings hurt, get disgusted and think why do I do this to myself? and next thing you know I am meeting someone new! I wonder at times why I feel the need that a man should be in my life? Are they really that important? Seriously, besides the obvious, what can he do for me? My ex used to scream how fat I was, how I would NEVER find anyone else. I wonder if that is why I still seek out someone? To prove see, yes, I can get someone else? It makes me wonder at times. Just more of my after-kids-are-in-bed rambling! lol