Another sleepless night

Hi, I am not the best at getting to sleep anymore. I have gotten better over the past 4 years though and am proud to say I am able to sleep 5-6 hours at a time now! That is an accomplishment for me. I still find myself, at times, walking the house at night, looking out the windows and checking the doors at night. When I was first alone with my children I would leave every light on in the house. I would sit in the silence, phone by my side, and just listen, just listen to see if I heard a noise, any noise. A door knob being turned, a window being pried open, a breath behind me, knowing it was him. I had my children sleep with me, I HAD to now they were not faraway. I wanted us all in one area at all times. I am thankful they were too young, 3 and 5, to understand what I was doing. The furniture in my house was arranged with my back absolutely NEVER being to an exit; a door, a window, anything I could get out of house in. My mother would jokingly call my house Fort Knox. I can't blame her for joking. She had no clue as to what I actually went through. That is what we do. We lie to the ones who love us the most. I believe to this day my mother or really, any family member, has no clue to how truly afraid I was of dying with his hands around my neck. I am really one of the lucky ones, I survived.